Reasons Why — Opal and Lola

A dream last night had me carrying two heavy bud vases, a man told me that the mechanism inside that was creating the weight was for 'aeration' which made perfect sense to me. The vases were filled with a different, beautiful flower each. The dream is about the girls, the vases certainly weighed as much as they do, about 20 lbs each.

The question I've heard often is, was there ever an Oh Shit moment where the impact of this adoption and change in our family hit me hard and I panicked. I say, Yes. It happened before we met the girls when I was at a Babies R Us picking up bits and pieces that we might need. I was in there for cups but to get to those I passed by toys, teethers, outfits, monitors, bathing devices, all of the things Babies R Us thinks that we might pay for. I've been to this rodeo before and I've also made that huge purge that goes with parenting, all the somewhat useful things that were useful one time or for a period of weeks or even months and then abandoned. You simply DO NOT NEED ALL OF THIS STUFF. I am allergic to accumulation and am constantly in declutter mode so perhaps that set off my Oh Shit moment, when my senses were flooded with all that can be bought or had in a weak moment. Do I need this? Do I need that? I had those questions in the back of my mind as I walked the aisles and the freeing aspect of this adoption is that we had so little information, I did just buy some cups and plates and walked the hell out of there before I overthought it and had a quiet psychic meltdown. A old friend from several lifetimes ago reminded me of how I used to live, I had a steamer trunk for clothes and a futon and I'd give away everything before each move I made - car, sparse amounts of furniture or plants- I basically just needed a bed and I was good like that for years. The difference between then and now was certainly part of my overwhelmed moment.

The transition from China to here with the girls has got to be largely credited to the fact that they are twins and they have had each other through all the changes. Yes the foster parents had a big impact. And yes, we are sensitive parents and they have sensitive siblings - but I'd love to hear my twins friends or parents of twins on this subject. Every day the girls open up more and more. They have ready smiles for us and I believe they feel attached, I know I am. They want me or Mark to hold them, then Luke and Annabel, and then they do not really enjoy being picked up by anyone else which is a good sign. Many kids, especially from orphanages, are very eager to have any adult pick them up. They sleep a few hours in the afternoon and go to bed at 7:45ish and wake up about 11 or 12 hours later. They eat, eat, eat.

Any of the concerns we had, the doubts and fears that we wrestled with for years before we sent off the first batch of paperwork to the adoption agency, all are gone. If anyone is thinking about adopting I would say, Do it. Do it. Adoption is worth every last bit of effort and then multiply that times 100 and it's still worth it. We have had these girls in our lives for a total of about five weeks and there is no way we can conceive of them not being part of our lives for as corny as I'm sounding.

Luke and Lola at the zoo. He's the best big brother.

It took the girls about a week to figure out that dogs make good dolls too.

Ah, they are really hard to photograph because I swear to God the camera catches a flat affect, or they immediately switch moods the moment I think I've Got It. So don't go by pictures. Stop by and see their smiles for yourself. Our house now has a revolving door policy with many caring people stopping by to meet them for a bit and see what we've got going on here firsthand and I love people who invite themselves over. I was telling another friend lately, I am not a big Inviter. Only because I'm so used to having home as a refuge that it doesn't occur to me to invite someone over. It's hard to explain. I don't come from a family of entertainers or party throwers or casual get togethers so I think it just doesn't occur to me sometimes. And then when it does occur to me I feel overwhelmed by the perceived work or toll on my comfort level, or I have. Now I proceed with baby steps, our friends who have adopted or in adoption process coming over, we are cousins now, and throwing together some food and drinks for adults and kids not such a big deal. And it's fun. Don't think we need time to adjust - we've had it I think, and if that changes I'll let you know. The girls are happy in small and large groups, just don't expect that you can pick them up (for long) and they find me when they need me which is often. So I said it - come on over.

This choice we made has elevated our lives in ways like that. Expansion is another word. We have discovered new skill sets (causal entertaining). But really, we've experienced growth in unforeseen ways. I'm thinking of how so many people we encounter light up over the girls and how energy just shifts and becomes good and happy when people ask after them or see them for themselves. I know we've ignited some adoption talk around Oak Park and I hope something comes of it because as Mark said, this is the best thing we ever did. (Obviously not comparing this to the birth of our biological kids, he was speaking to the intent and the work we did to adopt, and the result. I think. Maybe I should ask him.) I did not think I could love my kids any more than before but now I appreciate them on a whole other level for their intuition and their jumping-in and I rarely have to ask for help. Annabel is a natural and Luke is an entertainer and between the two of them my heart swells. Don't get me started on Mark. He has hearts in his eyes when he sees those little girls. It makes me melt.

It's July 3 and fireworks in Chicago/Oak Park always sounds suspiciously like gunshots and I am jumping every two minutes when another local fuckwad lights a bottle rocket so it's going to be a long night, maybe, because the girls keep waking up. I don't get to write as much as I want and I reheat my morning coffee no fewer than five times in the two hours it takes to drink most of it, and sometimes I don't get in my car for three days in a row because I am happily anchored here. I don't check my phone nearly as often as I compulsively used to and I'm going to keep that habit, heavy vases with lovely flowers have a big, lovely impact.